Bohemians Of The Dead
by MoowitMi324
Summary: AU: See how quick our favorite Boho's lives change in one night. Features Zombies, Toture houses, and much more! Parody of a lot of scary movies. Yes, there will be blood!
1. How Everything Starts

A/N: Ok, I'm a humungous Zombie movie fan and one of my favorites is Shaun Of The Dead. Here is my version Bohemian's Of The Dead. This story will include a lot of crazy things and appearances from all my OC characters that I have created.

Warning: This story is very stupid, if you have a low since of humor, you shouldn't read this.

How Everything Starts

(At the Life Café)

_10pm Eastern Standard Time_

The bohemians sat at the big table at the Life, drinking and smoking.

"We need to talk, Maureen." Joanne started, since she never really starts a conversation off at the beginning of a chapter.

"What?"

"Its not that I don't like hanging around your friends…." Joanne started.

The lawyer turned to the 5 friends sitting at the end of the table.

"Don't take this the wrong way, guys."

They nodded and continued to listen.

"But, I'm tired of coming to the same place every single day and night." The lawyer complained.

"What's wrong with the Life?" Maureen asked laughing.

"I just told you."

"No you didn't."

"Yes she did." All the Bohemians said in unison.

Maureen sat there with a confused look on her face.

"This is the part where you make a scene, Maureen." Mark explained.

"Oh, yeah." Maureen said standing up quickly. "Why does everything have to be a problem for you?"

"There wouldn't be a story if I didn't complain." Joanne explained.

"Girl, does have a point." Collins said taking a puff of his weed.

MoowitMi324: Can we all please get on with the story?

"Sorry." They all said.

"I don't want to fight." Maureen said.

"I'm not trying to fight."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not." Joanne said as her tone got louder.

"Yes, you are." Angel pointed out.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are." Roger said next.

"I'm going home."

"No, I'm going home." Maureen said crossing her arms.

"You never go home first, it says right here in the script."

"Who goes home first?" Mimi asked the author.

MoowitMi324: I think I'm going to let Maureen go home first for a change.

"Yes!"

Maureen ran out of the Café.

(At the loft)

_9am Eastern Standard Time_

Mimi woke up and saw that Roger was still sleep, she got out of bed, got a shower, and went to work at the newest Radio Shack on Avenue Q. Her Radio Shack uniform was completely different from her Cat Scratch Club uniform, she wore black jeans, a white collard shirt, and a name tag that said

_Hello, my name is_

_Mimi_

As she sat in the subway, the dancer noticed people coughing and sweating.

"They need to go to a doctor." Mimi said to herself.

(At Radio Shack)

"Ok." Mimi started. "Jack is sick today due to a serious cold."

"Why is everyone getting a cold?" A girl asked as she chewed on her lip.

"I don't know, I'm not CNN." Mimi said in a slightly rude tone. " So, today I'm your manager and.."

"You've got red on you." A boy pointed out.

Mimi looked down at her shirt a saw a red spot on the pocket of her shirt.

"Never wear a red pen with a white shirt." Mimi informed her employees dryly.

"Ok." A boy said as he wrote the information down on a piece of paper.

"Like I was saying, we are running short on people and we need to work hard today." Mimi finished off..

An hour later…

Mimi was fixing a VCR for a customer when her half-sister came in.

"Hello, Meems."

"Hey, Mickey." Mimi greeted, with a smile.

"Do you know what tomorrow is?" Mickey asked.

"The season premier of Flavor Of Love?" The dancer asked.

"Yeah, and its Mother's day." Mickey said.

"My mom's dead, Mickey."

"I know, but what about your other mom?"

"She's YOUR mom, not mine." Mimi said slamming the box down.

"But, she took care of you."

"Not really." The older sister said with a smirk.

"Just go visit her."

"I'll think about it."

"Thank you….and don't forget about the flowers if you do come." Mickey said walking out the door.

"You're asking for a little to much."

Mimi picked up the phone at the desk and dialed Angel's number.

"Hello?"

"Angel, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, chica."

"Can you stop by the flower shop and pick up some roses? Don't ask me why."

"Ok." Angel answered unsure.

Angel hung up the phone and grabbed her purse.

(The flower shop)

As Angel waited, she looked out the window and noticed an old man holding a pigeon by its neck.

"I hope he doesn't choke that poor Pigeon." Angel said sadly.

Just then, the man brought the pigeon towards his mouth and ripped the head off of it.

"OH MY GOD!" Angel screamed as she grabbed the flowers and ran towards the man with the bloody mouth. "What the hell is your problem?" She asked as she beat the old man with her purse.

The man began gain moaning in pain.

"You asshole." Angel said looking at her purse that now had blood on it. "Don't you know this is D and G."

The old creepy man began to crawl towards the drag queen, she kicked him and ran.

(On the subway)

Mark: Zoom in on the very sick people on this subway.

"Mark, do you have to film this?" Roger asked as he sat next to his best friend.

The filmmaker shrugged and continued.

Mark: Pan left to the women who is drooling a dark liquid.

The women eyes rolled in the back of her head.

Mark: And watch her fall dead to the dirty floor.

Mark gave the dead women a nasty look and turned his camera off as the subway stopped. The two boho boys exited and noticed more sick and pale New Yorkers.

"They're paler then you, Mark." Roger teased.

"Its not funny, Roger. I think there is something wrong."

"Albino boy is right." Collins said out of nowhere.

MoowitMi324: Collins, you're not in this scene.

"Sorry." Collins said as he disappeared.

( At the loft)

Roger and Mark entered their loft to find Joanne sitting on their couch.

"What are you doing here?" Mark asked.

"Maureen kicked me out."

"Wait….you always kick her out."

"We wanted to change." Joanne said shrugging.

"Why are you two always changing the script?" Roger asked.

"I'm sick of always throwing her out."

MoowitMi324: Lets get back to the story.

"I have on question for you." Mark started.

MoowitMi324: Shoot.

"Are me and Roger going to end up being lovers?"

MoowitMi324: No, now continue the story.

"Can I stay here?" Joanne asked.

"You're already here." Roger said.

"WHY DID YOU GET KICKED OUT?" Mark asked.

"MAUREEN GOT PISSED."

"ABOUT WHAT?"

"I NEVER PAY ATTENTION TO HER."

"Why are you two screaming?" Roger asked.

MoowitMi324: Sorry, I forgot I had my caps button on.

"Anyway…I'm going to edit my film like I always do and you two can talk about something dramatic and have a special bonding moment." Mark said closing his door.

"I'm pregnant." Roger blurted out.

"What?" Joanne yelled as she looked at her friend like he was crazy.

"Mark said we should talk about something dramatic."

"I think he was talking about me talking to you about the problem me and Maureen are having."

"Ok, talk." Roger said sitting on the couch.

A/N: That's the first chapter!!!! Please review!!! No flamers.


	2. Lets Play A Game

A/N: I want to thank everyone for their reviews!!!

Lets Play A Game

(On The street)

_11pm Eastern Standard Time_

After feeling terribly bad for how she treated Joanne, Maureen decided to go to the loft and apologize. The diva stopped dead in her tracks when she heard a squeaky sound.

"What the hell is that?" She asked herself, as she looked to her right down the dark ally. "I think I will do what all stupid girls do in horror movies and go down the dark ally and threaten my life."

Maureen stopped walking when she saw a puppet on a bicycle.

"You're an ugly little toy." Maureen said with a disgusted look on her face.

"Bitch." The toy hissed.

"What?"

Just then the puppet opened its mouth and gas was released.

(Somewhere strange)

The diva woke up in a pitch black room.

"I'M BLIND!"

A set of bright lights came on.

"Never mind." She mumbled.

She looked around at what looked to be an old bathroom.

"OH SHIT!" Maureen screamed as she noticed that her left ankle was attached to a pipe.

"Hello, Maureen." A dark mysterious voice greeted.

A TV in the corner of the room turned on and the puppet appeared.

"Do you want to play a game?"

"Sure! Can we play Candy Land?" Maureen asked with excitement.

"No."

"What about Operation?"

"Its kinda like that." The puppet said with an evil grin.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you know how to get the lock off your ankle?"

"A key?"

"No." The puppet said laughing. "Pick up that saw."

Maureen obeyed and observed the saw's sharp teeth.

"You want me to cut my foot off?"

"YES!"

"EWW! that's gross."

"I invented gross."

"No, you didn't."

"Start cutting, bitch."

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"You don't appreciate the good things in your life." The puppet said in a serious tone. "So, I'm teaching you a lesson."

"Who are you? My mother?"

(At the Life Café)

"I thought I told you I hated this place." Joanne said as Roger dragged her to the bar.

"Relax, were just going for drinks." Roger said happily.

"I wonder what she's doing." Joanne said as she and Roger sat at the bar.

"Fuck her." Roger said.

"Isn't she your friend?"

"Yeah, but sometimes she is so stupid."

"I just want her back." The lawyer whined.

"She'll be running back to you by tomorrow."

The jukebox started and 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart' began playing.

"That's just what I needed." Joanne said dryly.

"Its just something random." Roger shrugged.

(At the loft)

Mark was on the fire escape filming, when Mimi walked in the loft.

"Thank God you're home." Mimi said with relief.

"Thank God _you're_ home." Mark said coming inside.

"Its crazy out there."

"I know….I never knew homeless people could be so crazy."

"I saw my old boss from the Cat Scratch Club and he tried to bite me."

"What?" Mark said getting a bite interested.

"Yeah, he had blood all over his face and he walked with a limp and…Why is there creepy music playing in the background?" Mimi said as she stopped in the middle of her story to look around.

"Oh, that's called _foreshadowing_. The sound crew use it in all scary movies." Mark explained.

"Cool."

The phone rang and Mark picked up the phone.

"Hello?..hey, Angel….no, Mo isn't here…..ok…..just call us when you find her…ok…bye."

"What is the tragedy?" Mimi asked.

"Maureen is missing." Mark said with a worried look on his face.

"She's probably been kidnapped and all of us are going to search for her and when we find her she will be dead or nearly dead."

"That's what usually happens in these kinds of movies." Mark shrugged.

(In the car)

Collins and Angel drove around New York looking for Maureen.

"Where could she be?" Collins asked himself.

"I don't know."

"I was talking in to myself." Collins said laughing.

"Why would you do that?"

"Is there something wrong with talking to myself?" The professor asked.

"It makes you look like you're a nut job." Angel said nicely.

"I'm not the nut job….these people with blood rolling down their chins and arms hanging off are nut jobs."

"I know! Why don't they go to a hospital?"

"I don't know, baby girl, I don't know." Collins said shaking his head.

A/N: In the next chapter:

Mark, Mickey, and Mimi fight a zombie named Mary

Kelly, Roger and Joanne are forced to stay in the loft

Maureen remains locked up in the strange room

Collins, Lauren, and Angel go into a crazy house

REVIEW!! NO FLAMERS!!!


	3. Plan A

A/N: ok, so I got a lot of reviews asking why I had my OC characters in here, my reason is because A) I didn't feel like making new characters and B) it seems fun

Plan A

(At the loft)

Benny stormed in the loft stomping like a dinosaur.

"What do you want, Benny?" Mark asked.

"RENT RENT RENT!" Benny yelled.

" Do you have to be so demanding?" Mimi asked as she lit herself a cigarette.

"Listen…..to the sound here in my heart.."

"Wrong musical.." Mark and Mimi said as they looked at the landlord like he was crazy. (Which he was)

"I have a really bad headache and some blood drooling hooker bit me!" Benny explained.

Mark and Mimi just looked at him blankly.

"I think I'm goanna throw up." Benny said as he skipped to the bathroom.

"Is he wearing heals?" Mimi asked as she puffed on her cigarette.

Mark shook his head in amazement, the loft door swung open and in came Mickey with 2 baseball bats in her hand.

"Have you heard the news? ZOMBIES!"

"ZOMBIES!" Mark and Mimi screamed.

Roger began screaming like a girl.

"Oh hey guys." Mickey said as she greeted Joanne, Roger, and Lauren.

"We followed you here." Joanne said.

"And I followed Joanne and Roger here."

They all sat around in silence for a moment.

"So what are we goanna do about the zombies?" Mark asked.

"I drew a plan out on your wall over here." Mickey said. "We go to the safest place I can think of." she said as she put the pink crayon in her pocket.

"Where's that?" Joanne asked.

"The Life" Roger said

"No, the mall." Mimi said.

"I want to go to the Life." Roger argued.

"I say the mall." Mickey argued.

"Life."

"Mall." Mimi said.

"Life." Lauren said.

"Mall." Joanne said

"Life." Mark said softly.

"The mall!"

"LIFE!"

"MALL!"

"WAIT!" Joanne screamed.

The room went silent every looked at the small radio sitting on the coffee table

_We have finally discovered what seems to be zombies that are walking are streets. If you know someone who is wearing high heels, stomps like a diosaur, and sings different musical numbers, or throwing up. they might have been bitten._

The bohemians looked at the bathroom door with fear.

"Joanne, you should check on Benny." Mark said

"NO! you check on him."

"Roger, go see if Benny's ok." Mickey said pushing the rocker toward the door.

"You people are punks." Lauren said as she walked towards the door. She opened the door and walked in shutting the door behind her.

"That bitch is dead." Mimi said.

"LOOK!" Roger said as he dropped to the floor. "Benny dropped his car keys!"

"What's taking Lauren so-"

"Shhhh!" Mark interrupted Joanne.

Everyone looked at the radio again.

_You can destroy a zombie by removing the head or destroying the brain. _

The news women instructed. Just then Lauren came out of the bathroom looking pale.

"What's wrong?" everyone asked.

"We need to go NOW!" Lauren said running for the door.

Everyone except Mimi headed for the door.

"WAIT!" the dancer said taking her radio shack name tag off and throwing it to the ground. "We need to get weapons."

Joanne ran to the couch and grabbed her brief case, while Mickey went to the kitchen and got a frying pan, Lauren saw a baseball bat by the door and grabbed it, Mimi took the tennis racket off the wall.

"Where did that come from?" Roger asked.

"Hell if I know."

Roger and Mark both took hold of the shovel.

"Use your camera."

"Use your guitar."

"When they act up, you call their bluff." Mimi and Joanne sang.

The bohemians gave the two women old looks. Mark took the opportunity and snatched the shovel and ran out the door.

"I'm goanna get you." Roger screamed chasing after his best friend.

Benny busted through the bathroom door and everyone screamed and followed Roger and Mark. When the rest of the group go to the first floor, Roger and Mark were looking out the window.

"There are so many!" Mark said as he began filming.

Mark: Roger tell the audience how you feel about this situation we are in?

Roger: How the fuck do you think I feel?

Roger snatched the shovel away from Mark. The Filmmaker didn't fight to get it back.

Mark: How do you feel about this shitty situation?

Mimi: I'm ready to kick some zombie ass!

Joanne: Me too!

Mark: Mickey, what about you?

Mickey: I just want to get through this alive!

Lauren: I have to pee.

Everyone glanced at Lauren strangely. Mark turned his camera off and put it in his bag.

"Ok, we need to think of a plan." Mickey said.

"I cant do this without Maureen." Joanne said sadly.

"Oh My God!" Mark said. "How come no one has noticed Angel and Collins missing?"

"Oh shit I forgot to tell you they went to look for Mo." Roger said.

"We should go catch up with them." Joanne said

"I'll go with you." Lauren said

( I have no clue where this is)

Maureen played with the shackle around her ankle.

"I'M HUNGRY" She yelled.

There was no answer.

"HEY CREEPY DOLL!"

The voice finally spoke up. "Its jigsaw."

"I want food." She whined.

"Look to your right and there is a bowl and a glass."

Maureen looked over and saw the bowl, she got up off the dirty floor and went to the bowl.

"Cheerios?"

She picked up the glass.

"And Beer?…..O.M.G I LOVE YOU!!!"

"Ummm…" Was all jigsaw could say.

"Do you have anymore beer? I could live on Beer for the rest of my life!" Maureen said smiling wildly.

"I'll send you some later." Jigsaw said disappointedly.

(on the road)

Angel and Collins stopped at an abandoned house with flashing lights coming from the inside.

"Should we randomly go in there?" Collins asked.

"Usually in horror movies, when people get kidnapped they are held captive in weird places…..this is a weird place."

"Lets wait a few seconds and go in." Collins said.

"Ok." Angel agreed.

The couple stared blankly at the house.

An hour later…

"Ready?" Angel asked.

"No." Collins said.

30 minutes later….

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

They got out of the car and headed for the house.

A/N: I don't know when I will update this story again lol! But I have some ideas. If you have any ideas for this story please let me know. Reviews will help a lot :D


	4. Plan Z

Disclaimer: I don't own RENT and I don't own Umbrella

Plan Z

Roger, Joanne, and Lauren drove around New York in Benny's car looking for Angel and Collins. Lauren sat in the back seat on the floor of the range rover coloring in a Disney Princess coloring book. (I don't know why Benny had a coloring book in his truck) While Roger sat in the passengers seat playing with the radio, Joanne was driving.

"Roger, stop playing with the radio."

"Sorry, but I have to find something good."

Roger stopped when he heard his favorite song playing.

_No clouds in my storms  
Let it rain, I hydroplane in the bank  
Coming down with the Dow Jones  
When the clouds come we gone, we Rocafella_

"Roger, I didn't know you liked Rihanna." Lauren with a startled look on her face.

"Don't tell anyone." The Rocker warned the two women in the car with him._  
_

_We fly higher than weather  
And G5's are better, You know me,  
an anticipation, for precipitation. Stacked chips for the rainy day  
Jay, Rain Man is back with little Ms. Sunshine  
Rihanna where you at?_

_You have my heart  
And we'll never be worlds apart  
May be in magazines  
But you'll still be my star  
Baby cause in the dark  
You can't see shiny cars  
And that's when you need me there  
With you I'll always share  
Because  
_

Roger began singing in a girly voice.__

When the sun shines, we'll shine together  
Told you I'll be here forever  
Said I'll always be a friend  
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end  
Now that it's raining more than ever  
Know that we'll still have each other  
You can stand under my umbrella  
You can stand under my umbrella

Joanne looked at her friend oddly and began to sing along._  
_

_(Ella ella eh eh eh)  
Under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh)  
Under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh)  
Under my umbrella  
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)_

Meanwhile Mark, Mickey, and Mimi were still hiding in the building.

"Ok, we've been here for a long time. Are we just going to stand here and hide?" Mimi asked.

"Mark stop filming the little boy zombie eating the dead cat!" Mickey yelled as she gave Mark a concerned look.

"Sorry." Mark said, putting the camera away. "You know? We could have gone out the back and into the ally."

Mickey and Mimi glared at their friend.

"Mimi, did you know?"

"NO!"

Mark, Mimi, and Mickey headed towards the back, but when they got there the door was locked.

"Damn!" cursed Mickey.

"Lets just go up to the roof for a while till all of this cools down." Mimi said.

The three bohemians ran up to the roof, they kicked the door open and each one did a dramatic pose as dramatic music began playing dramatically.

"What are we doing?" Mark asked slowly.

"I don't know." Mimi said.

"Where is Maureen when we need her." Mickey said.

"Yeah, I know." Mark said sadly,

"I hope Roger and them find Collins and Angel finding Maureen." Mimi said quickly.

"What?" Mickey and Mark said with questionable looks on their faces.

Before Mimi could say anything a rough groan was heard. They all looked ahead and saw a woman looking a wall, she slowly turned around and was drooling.

"Oh my God…..she's drunk!" Mimi said with a laugh.

Mark zoomed in on the woman and began speaking.

Mark: Here we see a intoxicated woman, it looks like her name tag says "Mary". Here we have Intoxicated Mary standing front of us, limping her way towards Mickey.

The filmmaker then turns and begins asking Mickey questions.

Mark: Are you making a new friend?

Mickey: I think so.

Mary grabs Mickey into what looks like a hug, the hug gets tighter and Mary tries to bite Mickey, but the young girl pushes her off.

"SHES NOT DRUNK SHES A ZOMBIE!"

"HOLY BOBBY BROWN!" Mark screams.

Bobby brown comes out doing an old 80s dance.

"I AM THE KING OF R&B!" the old played out R&B singer says loudly.

Mary groans and goes for Bobby Brown.

"WHITNEY HELP!"

"BOBAY? Cant you see I am trying to get some crack from this nice man over here." Whitney Houston said as she continued to purchase drugs from the man.

"But, I thought you said crack was wack?" Said Mimi, who was confused about this whole thing.

"I had to cover my ass!" Whitney said.

Mickey and Mark ran over to bobby Brown and looked at the dead man. Mark turned the camera around to face himself.

Mark: Ladies and gentlemen…Bobby Brown was killed by a intoxicated zombie named Mary.

Whitney Houston then ran over to her husband.

"BOBAY! BOBAY! BOBAY! OH NO!"

Mrs. Houston took a bong out of the fur goat she was wearing and hit Mary the Intoxicated zombie over the head with it. Then she jumped off the roof and landed on both feet singing down the street.

"Ok…What the fuck did I just witness?" Mickey asked in astonishment.

"Why would Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston be here anyway?" Mark asked.

"I forgot to get Whitney Houston's autograph!" Mimi nearly screamed.

Mark and Mickey looked at her. Meanwhile Collins and Angel entered the strange house and the door shut on its own.

"Ya know? This house looks like that house in that one movie with that one girl." Collins in a whisper.

"What girl?"

"That one girl who slayed Vampires."

"Oh! I know who you're talking about." Angel whispered. "The first one was good, but the second was just plain…bad."

"Hey, you wanted to see it, I told you it didn't look to interesting." Collins explained.

"I know, honey." Angel said giving Collins a kiss.

"Lets start looking around." The professor said.

A/N: PLEASE REVIEW!!!!


End file.
